The present God.

I've had too many 'good' days lately. How can you tell you're on a 'good' streak? Well, I can tell when I wonder why I need a Savior at all. Sometimes I really seem to have it all together. So I ask God. I know He won't be offended. He knows my intentions and well, He's always welcomed my questions. That done, I go about my day knowing I'll hear the answer when it's spoken to me. I put in the ear buds and dance and sing and clean. (It's been a while since I've had the apartment to myself so I'm living it up!) And I wind down and lay by the open window with a stuffed dog on my chest and we shift gears musically. And as the anthems ring in my ears God's voice is heard here and there. Another song begins and a few more realities are brought to light. The tears are beginning to accumulate but I can't sob. I'm too out of practice. Slowly my eyes are opened to what I've been denying. Denying so well in fact that I've confused not only myself but those closest to me. I haven't been having good days at all. My days have consisted of agony, heartbreak, confusion and fear! I've become so accomplished at controlling my emotions, I don't even know which ones I'm supposed to be feeling anymore. And I feel grateful that my God isn't arrogant or sarcastic like I am. And I appreciate His simple and powerful presence because He remains present in my life. And when I need to ask the 'remind me again' questions He answers softly and in a way that I can understand. Always present, right there within my reach, is my God. And He did answer my question in a way that I understood. And as a Christian writer I feel it to be my responsibility to share the answer with you but, as what seems to be a first, the words won't surface. And I reread what I've written and I understand the answer but still, no words to put down. I could try metaphors about describing color to a blind man or parenthood to a child but none of them quite fit for the purpose. I think it's because I simply cannot duplicate the intimate wisdom of His response. It was His answer for Crissy; me. It wasn't the answer to 'why is a Savior needed'. It answered why I needed a Savior. Frankly If I could verbalize what He showed me I'm not sure if would apply to anyone else. And I know that there are Bible verses that answer these questions. I know because my particular foundation for faith has been built upon those teachings. But certainly there are many others who don't have that foundation and even have reason not to trust the Bible at all! Where do they have to turn to ask the risky questions? The present God. He's there for them as He's there for me; ever present. Ever present with huge ears that catch every question and a patient and gentle voice that always gives the personalized answers to each humble and seeking heart. There are so many people reading this with a fallen heart, right now. They mourn for the faith they feel I've lost in Jesus. But I have consoling words for them. Don't fear for me. Although my guide is taking me on a path that you aren't treading, He's still the one leading. I have stepped outside the comfortable routines, but I've listened to Him and have remained obedient. Curious, but obedient. And He is present.