A Perfect Good

     Living in a hostile world such as ours requires certain skills.   I used to see this as a sad but necessary development involving fear, cynicism , and the inevitable distrust of every person until  trust was earned.  I would fight my nature to keep people at bay and trapped in the category of 'might hurt me when given the chance'.   And through it all, I guess you could say I was surviving but, to me, that's never been a motivating force.  Thankfully revelation has struck that has given me, once again, the opportunity to do whatever the hell I want coupled with the wisdom to  justify it to others.  I indeed live a blessed life. And, even better, it 's a joyful, contented, and optimistic life so I'll share.  Consider this an introduction to the secret of my success.

     The idea of 'A Perfect Good' isn't the revelation for I've been employing this perspective skill since I was a child.  What recently struck me though is the idea that this perspective is the ONLY coping skill I need to employ.  I have been freed from the fear of having to distrust the unknown as I have already emphasised that it is not survival that will ever give me the drive to continue forward.  The appreciation of a Perfect Good fuels my soul and fills my heart. And no, I'm not safer through employing the enjoyment of the little intimate details of life.  And I'm not ignorant that someone may try to do me harm.  But I've gone back to childhood innocence and a weight has been lifted that I only carried at the request and warnings of others.  I am unburdened enough to again experience beauty and magic and allow life to touch me in its purest forms.  Please, don't ask anything other from me!

     The Perfect Good concept involves a completely subjective angle.  It's the person employing the perspective that a Perfect Good benefits.  Because of this I can't give you examples of them, for things that are in this special category to me, will not necessarily apply to you.   Similarly, as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, a Perfect Good is beneficial to you because of your unique appreciation of it.  And just as one person cannot dictate to another what is beautiful...well hopefully you'll catch the idea.

      To the best of my ability I've created a list : a pen/paper description to an otherwise completely abstract pleasure.   I feel I'm doing you a disservice in this way but I don't know how else I can share it and this is a gift that becomes even more amazing when it's shared, so I have to try.

A Perfect Good is:

-Untaintable
  Although according to my spell check this isn't actually a word I think it properly encompasses the quality of this particular concept.  'Untouchable' works too but isn't quite the same.  Nothing exists that can make it less than 'perfectly good' to you.  This, to me at least, is the most important aspect of a Perfect Good.

-Personal
Your subjective experiences create what is, to you, perfectly good.  No one has to agree with you about it's value.  You don't have the responsibility of sharing it.   It is, perhaps unknown up until now, part of what makes you unique.

-Simple
No resources on your part, outside yourself, are required to create them.  Observation and appreciation are the main actions involved in the relationship between yourself and a Perfect Good.

-Transcendent
A Perfect Good doesn't need to be part of your environment.  Physical conditions need not be met in order to experience one.

-Healing  (This is what makes one really stand out to me)
 It will bring you a peace, a healing touch, a spontaneous smile, even take you outside the moment.

     These listed qualities, I fear, are putting boundaries on a concept without boundaries so please don't hold them to be defining characteristics of what should be considered good.  And perhaps I'm complicating (as a matter of fact I'm sure I'm making this more complicated than necessary) what you already know.  But sometimes we all need a spark of insight and a Perfect Good can be just that.

     Too often we feel we share this world with faceless masses. This couldn't be further from the truth that this world is not shared; it is your own.  Each of us has a 100% claim to his/her existence within this reality:  no less for anyone.  A Perfect Good helps you tap into the fullness of that experience.  The relationship of the greater potential so frequently gets lost in the daily trivialities.  I don't let that happen in my life and I live in full moments when I observe and acknowledge a Perfect Good.  I strongly encourage you, humanity!, to tap into this power.

Damn Near Perfect

*Take note, I have no degrees.  I am not employed as a counselor, unless you're hanging around my local grocery store in the middle of the night and you ask me a simple question like, 'What aisle for peanut butter, and why do my co-workers hate me?' This post is meant as a fact finding mission of self.  Thank you for your time.*

That being said, I'm damn near perfect.
As far as my character goes, I love who I've become as a woman.  My conscience is clear.  Also, I've done a pretty good job keeping fit for my age, I have a good head on my shoulders and I have  accomplished  many things of which I am proud.  All of these are attributes anyone would  gladly carry but still, I look behind me and can't help but notice a neatly aligned, lavender scented trail of devastation.

Why neatly aligned?
Because I've rationalized, categorized and psycho-babbled the hell out of it until it appears to me to be 'under control' destruction.

Why so sweet smelling?
Because I've camouflaged it as a pattern of consequences due to the decisions of others, not myself.

But here it is, behind ME.  And not the 'behind me' that allows me to walk further from it but the 'behind me' as something that lurks and follows closely no matter how quickly I run.

     Now, being someone who prides herself on seeking personal growth,  I continually work to think and act with empathy toward everyone and I routinely examine my motivations and reactions.  Possibly I do this so that I won't ever find the blame falling on me when situations go south.  ( I did mention I over-think everything, right?) But there it sits; the undeniable trail that highlights pain I've caused and wounded comrades I've left behind.

     Because I fit into the category of people who have difficulty finding fault in themselves (I think we probably amount to a pretty large chunk of the population) I recognize that I more easily see faults in other people.  After all, someone has to be in the wrong, right?   Unfortunately these 'other people' have to be close enough to me to make my life difficult  and that often means that they care enough about me to become injured when I point the finger back on them.  Remember the phrase, 'You always hurt the ones you love'?   It's an ugly situation we find ourselves in, indeed.

     So what's the solution?  How do people like myself more easily take responsibility for actions that have played a part in the destruction of relationships, the un-syncing of harmony, or simply for blocking a healthy path from someone else?   I have settled on a very simple checklist for identifying when we are in the wrong.

1)  The first step and probably the most difficult of them all is in recognizing/ admitting to whether abuse is a factor.  Although you may be at fault for certain turbulence in life, it is important to know if your situation is as bad as you or someone else may suspect. Are you being abused?  Are you an abuser?    Only through knowledge, personal acceptance of your situation, and growth will this situation change.   The following is a great resource for anyone, male or female, married, single or dating.
Honestly, we should all know the signs.
http://m.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence

[If you determine that abuse is a factor you need to immediately remove yourself from the relationship (whether you are the abused or abuser) and approach it from the outside.  Hoping things get better or telling yourself you'll never do/ say that again doesn't bring about progress in a dysfunctional setting.   Seek help!  All may not be lost.]

2) If you've eliminated abuse as a factor in your situation, it's time to ask about a few other destructive actions and attitudes.

     *Does it always seem that you are right?*

(And the follow up question to that is, 'Does it make sense that you are always right when clearly everyone else is so frequently wrong?'
This one was written especially for me, but maybe it applies to you too.)

Well, you're not always right!  Have some humility, drop your defenses and trust your loved ones to keep loving you despite this very human imperfection of sometimes being wrong.  That isn't going to go away, I'll have you know!

    *Does someone else's happiness piss you off?*

This one is fun to watch out for because if you notice yourself falling victim to this it's possible you're going to roll your eyes and lighten up immediately.  It's pettiness.
And keep in mind we're not talking about someone's sadistic happiness at the suffering of someone else.  It's healthy if that enrages you.  Here's a little poem to assist...

                                      "A flower for a smile
                                        to grin a longer while.
                                       
                                        A poison for a sneer
                                        As Hitler's drawing near."

I know, that guy gets all the bad press but it's his own fault.

Here are a few more questions to ask yourself with some likely reasons behind a positive answer....

*Is there a highway involved if things don't go your way?
   It's possible you're being too controlling.  Work on trusting the decision making abilities of others.

*Do you drag an early morning bad mood all the way out until evening?   
     I think we are all guilty of this once in a while but some of us practice it more frequently.  Look for it.  Change your routine, get up earlier in order to take the time to do what you want.  If what you want to do is sleep, get to bed earlier.  Often this bad mood is another sign of control issues.  We feel controlled by the routines of work, traffic, and schedules in general.  Change something, if you want change.  If you have a job that pays $ 50,000  a day and you absolutely despise it, give it to me and free yourself!!  No, seriously though, you aren't doing yourself or the people around you any favors by being a miserable cuss, albeit a rich one.        

*Do you depend on someone else for your everyday happiness?
      Yes, being in love is wonderful blah, blah, blah,  but having someone in charge of your happiness, and essentially that's what this is, is a lot of pressure on that other person.  Looking forward to seeing someone or having them text you is fine but there has to be another part of your life without them.  You are still you when they are not there.              

And of course there are workbooks, video series', and websites committed to addressing the roots of turmoil in our lives.  Look some of them up if you want further (and more professional) guidance.


     The major point I'm really addressing with this post is that we can't always fix what we've broken but we can always work in ourselves to better ensure that our mistakes aren't repeated, that our personality flaws don't further aggravate the bonds of our relationships, and that our bad habits (although perhaps well-intentioned ) don't leave an unending trail of damage behind us.  The people in our lives are the things most worthy of a lifetime of effort and change.  Make the effort and embrace the change.

Visit the June 2013 post 'The Damn Near Perfect Challenge' at Challenge Me!  for some more introspective questions.

A Pog In My Pocket

     How complex we are; each one of us a unique personality with our own perspectives to claim.

Sometimes we're grateful for them.
Beauty suddenly pops out at us where we've looked blankly a thousand times before!
Sometimes we're crippled by them.
Beauty is no where to be found through the darkening clouds rolling in off the limitless horizon.

     And occasionally we stumble upon situations that force us to acknowledge just how much we are at the mercy of our 'point of view'.    We see the action we can take to turn a situation around and it all points back to the attitude we decide to claim.   These situations are far more complex than just 'half full/half empty' thinking as experiences, decisions and pressures create in us a completely different person from one day to the next.  Optimists aren't always optimistic and sometimes pessimists find hope.

      I've recently discovered that my perspective toggles back and forth between 'I only get to do this once' and 'I only have to do this once'.  The events, tasks, experiences and risks range from small piddly things like 'first day on the  job excitement/jitters' to grand scheme topics such as existence itself.  And the perspectives of 'only get to' and 'only have to' both take their turns depending on who I am that day.  Sometimes I can see the same situation in a different light on a different day

Ex/ Pulling weeds vs. playing in the garden for the only spring this year will see.
The same task is accompanied by different angles. The 'I only have to pull these weeds once' vs. the 'I only get to enjoy this season now before it changes'.

     I'd be lying if I said I enjoy the responsibility of having to find a reason to get through a day where the only thing that keeps me going is the hope that 'I only have to live once'.  I used to be a 'You only get to live once' person.
So I've come across a trick to refocus my perspective and reset my stance on top of the mighty wall that stands between living and existing.

     Here I perch, above two versions of my particular circumstance.  Down on the left side, I see the bleak existence that 'must be' and down to my right I see the bright reality of 'what is'.  Aside from being viewed through different attitudes, they are the same.  They both will come to pass.  They both bring the same risks and consequences as well as asking for the same amounts of effort and sacrifice.  And whenever I find myself aware enough to perch myself on the wall, I always choose to jump to the right.  I think most people do the same.  The problem is in being aware of myself enough to remember that I can always jump back up onto that wall that overlooks the two scenarios and allows me the awareness of choosing.  This is where my 'trick' comes in.

     A coin, a card, a pog (remember pogs?!) a two-sided anything will suffice to be a weekly, daily or hourly reminder that for every moment we are alive we get to choose between living and existing.  Me?   I haven't settled on what I'm using as my reminder yet.  Perhaps I'll put two different colored rings on a string and hang it from my rear view mirror.  Or maybe I'll braid together two strong colors of ribbon to keep around my wrist as I'm in need of hourly reminders lately.  For now, I think I'm going to finish my bottle of Smart Water and keep the cap in my pocket.

     I live a very wonderful life.  I know this.  I am grateful for my life, but I am human.  I'm selfish.  I'm tired.  Sometimes, I'm at the end of my optimism.  This simple trick puts me back at the beginning.  I regain control by reminding myself that indeed, I am in control.

This is the May 2013 challenge at www.inspiringchallenges.blogspot.com (The H2/G2 Challenge) for all of us who would benefit from regaining a perspective of living to bring us out of attitudes of existing.

Climbing Snefflels

     I am a woman of conviction.  I was a little girl of conviction as well, but there's only so much a child can do to accommodate the urge to bring about change.  I prayed a lot.  Blanketing prayer, I guess you could call it, would cover my neighbors from robbers and my schoolmates from kidnappers.  And when I thought a little longer I would have to pray for the whole town because if my prayer only covered my road then people on the other roads were unprotected.  And what about other towns!!  Eventually, even as a child, I knew "God, please don't let anything bad happen to anybody or any animals!", was just grasping at straws.  It hurt me, then, to feel so helpless and I didn't understand how God worked.

     Okay, so I don't completely understand how God works even now but I do know that he works through me, us, we......people.  And I've learned through experiences and relationships that different people have different convictions than mine.  And just as mine are to me, their convictions are based on their individual knowledge and experiences and are in no way less gnawing to them when left neglected.  But as an adult I can no longer hope in blanketing prayer to cure all that ails this world.  I know that God expects me to act, because of what I know.  And I know that because of this expectation I am responsible for my inaction.  Gnawing; the most appropriate word I can think of to illustrate personal conviction.

     So a change in my life is underway and I've approached the undertaking as a mountain I have committed myself to climb.  (Yet another Jules Verne inspiration as Mt. Snefflels contained the entrance to the vast wonders in the trek toward the '...Center of The Earth').

     Over the years I've prepped mentally.  I've talked to my loved ones casually about the eventual plunge and have received support as well as scoffs.

  "Good for you!"

  "Why bother?"

 "You're not going to make anyone else do it too, are you?"

 and 

"I've done that myself!  Let me know if you need any help.",

 are the responses I've received.  Although not always encouraged, I feel mentally and physically prepared for the venture.  I've bought my gear and have recently taken the first steps upward toward the peak.

      My progress is slow; slower than I would like.  I don't always enjoy the solitude I feel or the backward steps I occasionally take to make the change seem more normal or me, seem more normal.  I have yet, however, felt no regret in choosing to act.  I have never felt regret when I've chosen to act on a conviction.  I don't think I've ever met anyone who has.

     Even now my soul sometimes yells in frustration and desperation, "God, please don't let anything bad happen to anybody or any animals and that fear would be gone and people would become good....(and this is about where I trail off)."  Of course now I feel silly.   But, I picture God smiling at the reflection of my 'little girl' self cuddling under her Snow White sheets hoping to change the world overnight, and He doesn't see me as silly at all.

Do you have your own 'Sneffels' to climb?  Take the challenge with me at
www.inspiringchallenges.blogspot.com

Ugly Answers....

     This month I've taken some time, having been inspired by the Asbury University initiative to spread awareness of the current human trafficking epidemic, to dig up some statistics and facts on my own.  My personal goal was to highlight the American acceptance of pornography and show the links to the casual degradation of the human dignity of others and of ourselves.  In short, I was looking for statistics that involved adults, as I personally didn't want to dip my hands in the stories of child exploitation.

     I searched.  I ran another search.  But alas,  'Child exploitation.'  'The exploitation of children in the sex trade.'....these were the stats that kept cropping up.  It wasn't until I accidentally began to  read one of the personal stories that I understood why the statistics didn't deal with adults.  At first I thought it was because minors and legal adults were two different scenarios in the realm of human trade, but I was so wrong.
And now I'm pissed.

This is the story I unearthed:

Read the article here.  (It is harsh but not graphic. Worth a read).

I knew children were used because they were weaker and fearful.
I didn't realize that many of the women and men you see in the trade had been trained by people they trusted from their earlier years.  That's why the statistics only mentioned children!!

Exploited children grow up to be exploited adults.  Prostitutes, phone escorts and participants of home/professional porn are often supplying funds to people who own them or claim to protect them.

     It seems so 'common sense' when I write it here however I was among the crowd that accepted that whores were junkies and sluts but this trade is huge!!!  Booming in frequency and numbers worldwide, human trade snatches up the defenseless and pays big money to the monsters that manipulate them.

     But I'll tell you something else I know.  There is no trade without demand.
You can label the pimps, traders and kidnappers as the monsters but they are just the ones that supply the products to the customers.

     There are articles written on the links to pornography, phone sex, massage parlors and escort services and the perpetuation of the growing demand to 'create the supply for the need', which is really the simple bottom line to this atrocity.   That was my original focus when I started my 'facts search' at the beginning of this month.
They are easy to find in a google search and I urge you to learn the facts for yourselves.

     But what I really want to emphasize as this month comes rolling to an end is the power of individual perspective.

* Human dignity has no place in exploitation.

*  A 'subhuman workforce' describes modern trafficking in the exact same way it was
    used to describe America's shameful past of slave-trading/owning.

* Participants within the sex industry, whether voluntary or not, are not nameless.
    Once they are seen as just a body with a stage name or a voice with a false identity
    another log is thrown onto the fire of an already unchecked inferno.

*The tools you are using to read this post can more easily be used to fuel the
   trafficking epidemic with porn searches and phone sex  (I had an ad pop up for a
   phone line as I was researching for this post) than they can to fight against it.
   Change this.  The sites and searches you frequent will thrive.  Period.

It's the age old truth; if you aren't part of the solution you're part of the problem.
The reality is before you.  Act!

20 Ways You Can Help Fight Human Trafficking

The Polaris Project

Humantrafficking.org

In The Night....Manna

I slunk into it

from under their eyes

from out of their grip.

That shady hiding place

holds the frightened

like a friend keeping a secret.

I should have trusted it

before trusting them.

The dark kept me alone

without anyone who cared

but without anyone who didn't.

Running from pain

led me to pain.

I couldn't speak it.

None of us could.

Some of us don't.

Is this the world?

Are the weakest 

always the pawns of the strong?

Will no one act on behalf

of those who's only hope

is to hide in the night?

To read Manna's story visit  http://ijm.org/resources and view the 'Sex Trafficking Factsheet' pdf.

27 Hr. Roadtrip

This month I'll be posting here on the 27 hr. car ride 'Miles' will making on behalf of the 27 million oppressed by the human slave trade in the world today.  This is a very raw and ugly subject so I have a few comforts to throw your way before we trek through this bog together:

1) I will not intentionally try to make you cry or cringe.  I hate emotional manipulation and whenever someone tries to pull my heart strings or frighten me in order to get me to do what they desire, I switch off.  I would expect the same from you.  I will present facts, statistics and links that will lead to other sites including videos which I assure you will shock you but I will warn you beforehand if I think the material is extra extreme.  After all we are talking about a reality most of us are willing to admit exists, but haven't really dug deeper until now.  It's going to be uncomfortable.

2) Change occurs everyday.  Our individual actions can change these statistics everyday.  Your involvement in simply learning the facts will change your perspective of certain areas of life and change will occur through you.  I find that extremely encouraging.

3) You may find, after some digging or assessment of your own actions, that you or someone close to you is part of the problem.  This can be remedied.  Being part of a problem means you are capable of being a more powerful vehicle of change.  Don't wallow in guilt; change your actions, perspectives and attitudes and spread awareness.

Thank you to everyone brave enough to admit that our world has its horrors.
Thank you to everyone honest enough to see their part in the problem.
Thank you to the students of Asbury University for taking a stand for change!!!

27 Hour Stand for FRDM 2013

The Champion's Call

    To champion for a cause is to support, defend, promote, put in a good word for (and a list of other synonyms that can be found on Thesaurus.com) a cause, movement, purpose, conviction or ideal.  And although many, and I dare say, most of us have a particular cause that strikes our hearts, we perhaps don't fully know how simple it is to help others champion as well.

    Fairytales, Bible stories, legends, myths, lore and the like speak of champions as mighty in strength, victorious in battle and the heroes forever in the minds and souls of the fortunate townspeople, village folk, forest dwellers or mermaids/men who otherwise would be fodder for the dreaded dragon, demon, invading army, pestilence, curse, corrupt king or underfed carnivore.

     Now, sadly, the traditional definition for champion doesn't fit my everyday activities.  I very rarely slay.   But I am certainly  a person who cares about stuff and knows things about good doing and positive making.  And I've seen others, not in suits of armor, lending hands, collecting and donating and being part of a greater movement of change in areas that affect important parts of their lives.  So, it can be said with gusto, that the heroes have not all gone!!  But there is another side to heroism that hasn't made its way to action just yet.  Good intentions!!!!!   Good intentions are well wishes that just haven't been wished.  They are the good deed doers and change makers that are stuck poised at the starting line without enough direction to know in which way to race.

    And here is where I tie all these loose paragraphs into a cohesive and comprehensible mission.  As a matter of fact, it's February's challenge on www.inspiringchallenges.blogspot.com 

      We are going to use the information, experiences, resources, passion and wherewithal we have that pertains to a cause dear to our own lives in order to fire the starter's pistol for the good intention-ers and get them on their way to active service.

You choose the cause.  You set the pace.  You make the difference.

Visit the challenge and take it on for yourself, your cause, and the ones ready to be led into battle, action, usefulness, serviceability.........
   

Belief by Trust: Part 2

     As I mentioned in the first post on this subject (Belief by Trust; Just The Beginning) belief by trust is nothing more or less than having faith in something or someone.  But faith evolves into knowledge which comes by experience.  If you see a cat carrying a bat being carried away by an owl, you are not the one who has to show faith in this story.  You are going to be telling it (I hope!) and those you tell who haven't seen it will be trusting you to be telling the truth.  Of the people who know you it will take less faith for them to believe you assuming you have already proven to be a trustworthy person.  Of the strangers you tell, they will doubt until they talk to those who swear by your trustworthiness.  They'll prove you tell the truth by giving examples of other times bizarre things may have happened that involved other witnesses and so on and so forth.

     Taking this into consideration, why do we continually lose faith in our own experiences and trade them  for what other people are telling us we must have seen/experienced?

     I was raised in a Christian home.  Both of my parents are still Christians.  I grew up in a church and although I took a leave of absence during some turbulent teenage years I returned, married a Christian, raised my son (named Christian by the way) as a Christian,  went behind the scenes of the church as a pastor's wife, Sunday School teacher and my husband and I were the praise and worship team that led singing and prayer.  It doesn't get MORE Christian than that.  It's who I was taught to be to help me through life.  Because it was taught to me, it's what I look to when I need to find answers.  And I do find answers that help me through life in Christianity.  I clung to Christ through my parent's divorce and my subsequent depression.  I cried on His shoulder the second I realized I had miscarried the baby we'd hoped for.  I turned to Him for answers to questions I couldn't face on my own.  I've leaned on the comfort and guidance that I was taught was there, and it was there.  I  believe God is in my life through Christianity.  But I've learned more than what I was taught and it would be denying the truth to ignore these lessons, too.

I've learned that people who were not raised in a Christian home often have faith in a force beyond themselves that they do not attribute to Christ, and they too are comforted.  This is against what I was taught within the church.

I've learned that people who engage in lifestyles different from my own are often happy, healthy, loving, valuable members of society.  This is against what I was taught the Bible said.

I've seen with my own eyes people of other faiths, love.  I know people who show selfless compassion and they worship forces that I was taught were wicked and only a deception from the devil.

And worst of all, I know of Christians who have seen what I have seen and they refuse to acknowledge these realities.  This is not faith.   It's superstition, cowardice and above all it's ignoring what God is trying to teach you through the examples of people who have chosen to love, give and consider others through compassionate action and risk of self.

I love my god.  I know my god a little more each time I lean upon it but my god doesn't seem to fit in the category of Christianity anymore.  How many Christians, if they would accept growth beyond what they have merely been taught and integrate what they have seen, would know the god I've found?

The 2013 Challenge

      In working to create this year's first post for my challenge blog I kept stumbling over the ideas of resolutions, new beginnings and blessing counting.  Nice thoughts but I hate being cliche.  And of course my writer's block could fairly be attributed to the distraction of having had to crawl on bloodied knees into 2013.  Last year beat me with pipes and stood laughing at my repeated attempts to gain control until '13 annihilated the villainous '12,  super-hero style.  (At least that's how I like looking at it.)
     And because no challenge I create is ever really just for me and practicality forces me to address that January 1st is merely a date and not a magical slate cleaning cure-all, and 2012 has created devastation and loss in the wake of natural disasters, massacres and deep financial ruin for perhaps a record number of humans it's clear that  I'm not the only one in need of a  reason to WANT to face a tomorrow that perhaps looks as grim as yesterday has been.  So I offer this. (I made that order pretty tall, didn't I?)

The '2013, I Survived 2012 So It's Time To Rock My World' Challenge 
And here's what we're going to do:
Take an empty calendar and use it to record friends' feats of hilarity, your personal goals that got their asses kicked, moments of wonderment, flashes of insight, and future plans of hijinks and mischief.

For example, when the thaw hits (I'll plan for March 1st) I plan on beginning my quest of  burying 100 'heads of some kind' in an unsuspecting friend's new backyard.  See?  Something to look forward to!

Post your calendar where you usually keep the calendar that lists appointments, bill deadlines and other responsible adult events.  (Post this one, too , just put it somewhere a little less intrusive to daily light-heartedness.  The office, for example, not the kitchen.)

     Now I'm not generally a 'What are you going to do for me?' kind of girl  but I'm asking it of 2013!  Nature, the cosmos, an evil almighty space bear or whatever you want to attribute to the uncontrollable forces that sometimes leave us wounded and defenseless have made some serious points in the past year.
Optimism doesn't always win out.
Suffering is often unjust.
Tomorrow continues to arrive despite the pain of today.  (Okay, that last one can also be seen as a good thing but when you barely made it through yesterday and today was just as bad, tomorrow isn't always a bright prospect).

     I guess what I'm getting at is that I don't like trying to fool people into thinking we're in control of the circumstances around us when it's clear that often we are not.   But no matter who you are life offers you moments of joy in the midst of concerning times and painful hours.  Don't allow these moments to go unnoticed!  Cover this calendar every month with photos, memos, inspirational quotes, new curse words founded in a moment of panic and more!!!  Not only will this 'highlighting of positivity' (okay, it's a revamped count-your-blessings) make you smile when you didn't think you had it in you, it will do the same to everyone who catches a glimpse.  Especially if you've posted the pic of them with the boss' daughter.  Hilarious!

Visit www.inspiringchallenges.blogspot.com for the official challenge post.  Share your ideas there on how you personalized this idea,  post your favorite 2013 moments so far or let us know how many appointments you've missed already due to my advice of moving your calendar!

My Wish List

I'm channeling my inner child for this holiday season and have transported myself back to my cheery pink bedroom.   I've taken a spot on the checkerboard carpeting and, surrounded by my most trusted stuffed animal friends, have penned a wish list from that innocent little girl's greatest imaginings.

                                     

I'm writing you to let you know

my needs

my wants

my wish

I'm giving to you

all my faith

and trust.

My mother tells me you can come

with magic

and a 

'swish'

Fulfill desires

so here goes!

You must....

1) Clean my room (remember, that means nothing under the bed) 

2) Heal my aunt, she lives on 5th and Spruce

3) The Christmas Cabbage Patch at Target; green eyes, hair bright red

4) Poop needs scooping, thanks to great dane,  Bruce

5) Mini donuts

6) Sparkly shoes

7) Feed the homeless

8) Save the ewes

9) Make it snow, but bring a shovel

10) To each friend's house, a secret tunnel

11) Mom wants quiet, dad wants Christmas finally to be over;

      maybe they could have a place to hide.

12) I want 2 or 3 or 4 more presents than my sister,

        (she can't know so do it on the sly)

13) Boobs

14) Strawberries that grow in winter 

15) Marshmallows that bloom on trees

16) Kitty cats as maids and butlers

17) Guinea pigs on indoor skis

18) All the walls the whole world over, black and white like coloring books

19) Crayon plants that sprout with brilliance everywhere a child looks

20) Jars of pennies

21) Lefts to all the rights of Barbie's shoes
22) Snow White make-up
23) Ballerinas dressed in pink tutus
24) No more homework, tests or grades
25) Replace the schools with large arcades..........
             

I'll take a breath and let you figure where you want to start

I'm sure this month's a bear for you, at best.

You've always heard my prayers and I've been told you're in my heart,  

but if you must

 Outsource to Santa for the rest.

                         

Looking to dust off your own imagination for a while?  

Take this month's challenge ( Wish List To A Higher Power) at www.inspiringchallenges.blogspot.com!

Journey To The Center

     I'm  a 'minimalist'.  I don't like to have many things that don't immediately serve a need.  I have empty spaces on my shelves because I like to see empty space.  In short, as far as possessions are concerned I live by a 'less is more' philosophy, and I find I feel more in control because of it.  But  I have recently decided to take the concept a bit further and apply it to my very being.

       I researched the idea of minimalism a bit to find some sort of definition and also to make sure I wasn't stepping on any toes.   Is there an actual group out there who view people like me as minimalist posers in the way communists or vegans view outsiders who try to live up to the label but are just seen as fence-sitters and shouldn't be grouped with the diehards at all?  I didn't know!   So I did what we all do when faced with our deepest, soul-defining questions; I googled it.

     I found a bunch of blogs on how to live simply.   I learned that Minimalism is a trendy style aesthetic.  I got distracted when I learned that I can't spell 'aesthetic' without dictionary.com.  I got back on course and hit the jackpot.

Wikipedia: Minimalism describes movements in various forms of art and design, especially visual art and music, where the work is set out to expose the essence or identity of a subject through eliminating all non-essential forms, features or concepts.

     This is the definition I liked the best, so it won my attention and efforts.  And in honor of my favorite author, Jules Verne, I've decided to view this undertaking as an expedition.

   Leaving daylight behind, I'll follow the winding walls down through the Earth's (oops, I mean, my own) many layers.  I'll approach paths blocked by 'ideas I'd been taught that I later discovered to be false'.   I'll have to blast them into rubble and sweep them aside like rocks from a cave-in, eliminating them from my path.
      I'll find cobwebs of regret taking up an extra foot of space all along the sides of the already precariously narrow ledge-like walkway of my identity.  I'll have to clear them out in order to take another step forward.  Each cleared step will offer surer footing upon which to steady myself.
      My ears will begin to ring from the constant din of public opinion, the screeching pitch of pressures from colleagues and peers and the low bass of voices from the past, all of which reverberate against the background of my thoughts.  I'll have to locate the sound system and tear it down.   Speaker by speaker for possibly miles ahead of me will have to be torn from their mounts that have been firmly secured to the rocky walls.
     My goal is to make it to the core.  There I can rest in the knowledge that I have taken control.   There I will find the parts of me that are most worthy of cultivation.  There I can sit alone with a clearer understanding of in whom I should place my trust, who I need to let walk away, and from whom I myself need to depart.  

 '...expose the essence or identity of a subject through eliminating all non-essential ...'

     'Journey To The Center',  November's challenge at   www.inspiringchallenges.blogspot.com is inspired by this definition.

What?  You didn't think I came up with this idea just for myself, did you?!
Check it out for some valuable introspection.

It's the undertaking of a lifetime, and it may just last that long, but I assure you that you won't regret a minute of working toward a 'less is more' approach toward yourself.

Belief by Trust; Just The Beginning

     Let's start this post by cutting straight through a deception, shall we?
 Resources, education, spirituality : none of these are required to have a complete relationship with God.  It's what makes Him so worthy to know!   Therefore, if you're having trouble finding God it can't be what you DON'T have yet that is standing in your way, so let's find out what you have already, and take it from there.

As a Christian writer I recognize that one of the touchiest subjects to address, outside of its conventional guidelines, is faith.  This stands out as a red flag to me considering faith is practiced to some degree by everyone, everywhere.  And although 'people of faith' implies those individuals practicing within a religious order, no one grouping of people owns the copyright on this natural concept of 'belief by trust'.  Our childhood is based on faith in the wisdom of our parents' advice to use the bathroom before we put on our snowsuits and not to eat bugs even if the birds do.  Granted, some of us had to learn these lessons by testing them out for ourselves (you know who you are!)  and in doing so, the faith aspect of that trust evolved.  Trial and error were applied and the lessons learned in having to get out of the snowsuit only to have to re-bundle  or getting an upset stomach by testing to see if fireflies would make your belly glow in the dark took the place of faith.  Your belief in what your parents said is no longer based on trust but in experience.  Apparently, they do know a thing or two.
   
   Here's an example that almost all of us share in faith.  As we gaze up at the moon we have faith in what we see.  For those of us who didn't get the chance to look out the window on the journey or set foot on its surface we take on faith that our moon landing astronauts are telling us the truth about their discoveries.   When we look up, we see what we have been told.  And, to an extent, this is good.  And even more importantly, this is necessary.  And tomorrow, should our astronauts release 'never before seen' footage that shows the moon not be be a moon at all but a much larger galactic space station that needed to be concealed from the general public until now for this reason or that, most of us would huddle around our various screens to learn all we could about this new development.  And the majority of us would still take it on faith that the truth was being told.

But do you know who doesn't take these events and updates on faith?  The astronauts.  They have seen, felt, and discovered firsthand so faith was only required of them until they 'knew'.  Now, if you try to tell them something that contradicts what they've experienced they have no more reason to listen to you than you would if someone tried to lecture you on your area of expertise.

Some of you know where I'm going and this post is all you need to recalibrate your perspective a bit.  I hope it serves you well.  For those who need more, I ask that you think on this definition of faith for a bit.  I'll post 'Part 2' and elaborate on this issue but for now, take what I've written and let it simmer.  This part is important.

75 Words or Less

     I've recently been compiling freelance work to submit to magazines, writing contests, and any and all other known sources of literary fineness.  This entails very long hours of market research, very late nights of writing and revising, as well as having to put together a short "75 words or less, please" biography to have printed alongside my published works should a fish ever bite down on my hooked rancid chicken liver. [revise this later; gross, unappealing image.  Good grief!  What are you thinking!  Get more coffee!]

     Have you ever tried to write a 75 word biography on yourself?  [then it's an autobio.- do i want to change this?]    It's challenging and quite revealing.   I think I would be able to write one on someone else in a fraction of the time because there would be less fear of misrepresenting who they really were.   It sounds harsh but honestly, I don't know who they REALLY are; at least not in the way that was giving me so much trouble on my own definition of who I am and why someone should want to read what I write.

     I typed it up in a short period of time [quickly], pressed 'save', put the computer away and rolled over to sleep for my 3 hour power nap before work.

   "Gotta change that wording.  It's a mixed metaphor. [it's not a metaphor, it's an analogy!  and it isn't mixed, it's misleading]  Wow, I wonder if I do that a lot.  It seems much sharper than I really am.  Should I mention being a Christian  if it's not relevant.  Is it always relevant?   Would I always put Buddhist if I were.  Yeah, okay.   Am I living too softly?  It seems much sharper than who I am! "

     Eventually I did sleep, as I almost always do, but the words kept rolling through my mind all night at work; the mixed metaphor mostly.  [it isn't a metaphor!!!  Good grief, take a class!  It's a misleading analogy!]

     My biography, and maybe most biographies are like this, seems to tell what I want to do as opposed to what I really do.  Well, here...judge for yourself.

'I write to inspire action, bring conviction out of complacency, and encourage the everyday man to live passionately for others.'

     This is the beginning and really, like I said, it's ideally what I want my obituary to say about who I was and how I changed the world, but it's seems....well....'sharper' is the best word I can find!  I feel soft and ineffective in comparison to these words; Inspire!  Conviction!  Passionately!

So here goes!  I'm about to inspire the socks off ya!

A 'Write Your Own Bio.' challenge!'  And here's what you do:

1) In 75 words (or less of course) write up the description of your identity.  (yeah, I told you it wasn't easy!)

*Some tips for you!*

- A bio. is factual ......in a very optimistic way.     Am I the Queen of England?  No, but perhaps 'I have opened doors internationally with my leadership potential'.  See what I mean?

-This is not a list of goals, but more like a short resume'.  And this is not the time for modesty!  You are selling yourself; what do you have to offer?

-This is an inspirational exercise so dig deeply.  Are you who you want to be?
If not, use this bio. to more sharply define the strengths you want to  develop, such as my bio. did for me.
If so, use this opportunity to highlight your strengths in order to better utilize them in your life and the lives of others.

2) Email me:  crystalmaywaring@yahoo.com
- In the 'subject' type 'Bio. Challenge'
- In the body of the email include:
       *your bio.
       *your name (or 'anonymous' if you would prefer that posted with the bio)
       *And for the lucky Q-townians who received the personal FB invite, don't forget  
         your shipping address and to mention from which of the 3 Q-town landmark
         retail locations you would like your inspirational goodie!!

(all addresses will only be used for this challenge and will not be posted or used        
         for any other purpose or challenge)

Your bio. will help christen my new blog
  Challenge Me!   www.inspiringchallenges.blogspot.com,
and will be posted in the comments section under 'Bio. Challenge'

Okay, here's my completed bio. as it seems only fitting I should expose myself first (behave!), and you can use it as an example if you need one.

I write to inspire action, bring conviction out of complacency, and encourage the everyday man to live passionately for others.  As an ex-wife to an ex-pastor I utilize my behind- the-scenes church experiences to expose tradition/superstitions and soft redundant sermons.  I began writing as a child, have been blogging for 3 years and have only recently begun to submit poetry, short stories and devotionals to other sources.  

Let's see if you are as inspired as I was and actively strive to live out your claims.

Unambitious or Content?

      I was once accused of being content. I'll admit, it was confusing. What the accusor was really angry about was what they saw as a lack of ambition. So I'll pose a question; what is the difference between unambitious and content? Is there a definite laziness factor or is it a financially responsible distinction? If it has to do with finances I'm afraid I'm not one to be easily convinced on the concept of "financial contentment". I don't believe that there can ever be enough money for someone who looks toward "financial contentment". (Notice the "quotes" around those words; yeah, I do that to show my contempt for the idea. If I were in front of you I may even use the air quotes gesture with an eye roll tossed in to drive home the point so picture that if you want to ) And don't mistake financial contentment with financial responsibility! Pay bills, yes! Save if you can, absolutely! And if you apply living simply but meaningfully into this equation, contentment, for me at least, has been attained.

   Perhaps the difference between contentment and lack of ambition is based on what other people think you're capable of achieving. If you haven't been reaching for those lofty stars you either must be afraid of failure or just plain lazy. Real nice "outlook" (air quotes, eye roll). I've been accused of the 'fear of failure' one as well and to this I have spent some thoughtful nights considering the possibility but again, contentment has nothing to do with fear. It is very much lacking in any fear of anything. Otherwise there wouldn't be a content mind but an anxious and nervous one.

Now keep in mind that I'm smart. Not 'medical school' smart, mind you (my focus is a bit too shaky for hovering over an open chest cavity and due to such focus issues I'm a bit of a scatterbrain) but smart nonetheless. It is not, however, in my intelligence that I am most proud. It's in my ability to connect with everyday people. And when I say 'everyday people' I'm referring to the state of mind in which an individual's defenses are down. We all have moments of being 'everyday'. I'm talking about real people doing real things. We all need groceries and most of us use grocery stores. No need for titles, airs or fronts; you're grabbing milk. And here is where I not only get to throw in another shout-out for my love of night shift but for my love of the common man as well. It's a misconception that there are uncommon people out there; we are all the common man when we're pumping gas, waiting in line, and at the end of our days just looking forward to rest. This is the man in whom I continue to have faith. This is the man that keeps my hopes of humanity aloft. I love the common man! And with all of my valuable night shift, grocery experience I can personally affirm that the common man at the end of his day is......wait for it.......cordial. Friendly, down to earth, and just damn cordial! Do you know why? Because he is face to face with another common man.

 It doesn't get much lower in the eyes of society than night shift stocker, janitor, or cashier. We are the grunts that get stuck giving our days away to another job or responsibility which is why we have to work nights. That is indeed factual. So here is your common man coming face to face with someone who has no judgement of him and no need to manipulate or trick him into doing something he doesn't want to do. They are there to ring out his milk. His relief is shown when the clerk smiles and asks if it's debit or credit, paper or plastic. These are possibly the easiest decisions of this man's day! So not only does cordiality come out from the exhausted business common man but gratitude to the grocery common man for not expecting more of him. And small conversations are carried out and the man's night is to an end and he finished it with another tired common man smiling back at him. And in this, I find contentment.

Now, not only am I smart (yes I'm getting to the reason for such emphasis!) and gifted in the art of connecting with everyday people but I am known most for my incurable habit of seeing the positive in every damn situation that is thrown my way and here is where the real confusion over the meaning of 'contentment' comes into play. When someone is around this optimism and hope during the darkest situations their lives have yet to encounter the optimism appears to be more of a personal delusion. Contentment within sorrow or poverty doesn't always give hope to the others sharing in their dire situation. It becomes mistaken for foolishness, misplaced faith, stubbornness, and naive thinking. And in these times, when strength and action seem to be the most valuable tools in the arsenal, contentment can be the enemy.

I'm going to put together the aforementioned elements of me; I'm intelligent. I'm gifted. I'm hopeful. These are not the attributes of a lazy or unambitious woman. (Okay, here's where the intelligence really comes in to play.) And I have no delusions that I am alone in my perspective of what is truly valuable.

So, as the end of this pat-on-my-back blog post reaches near let me broaden the scope to the point of application in everyday life. Contentment is also not an attribute of an uninspired person. Contentment takes motivation. It doesn't, for myself anyway, always come naturally and so I work at bright-side, less is more, embrace the moment thinking. And, as I mentioned, so do others. Why do we do this?

 Because;
it helps the common man in his own contentment.

 Because;
 1) inspiring others and 2) appreciating what you have before it passes are what we've
found to hold two of the major positions near the top of the 'important lessons in life' list.

Because;
we love to give and hope is free.

 Got an optimist in your life? Thank them. (You're very welcome :)

Alone?

This year has taken unexpected turns. Big turns, mind you, have all of a sudden cropped up in front of me and it has taken all I have to throw my body against the wheel and squeal along the grassy edges to avoid destruction. But, that being done, the road is looking a little straighter now, for a few miles anyway, and I'm left riding along with some interesting new decisions that have to be made if I'm ever going to find my way back to familiar territory.

I am now a divorced Christian woman. Public Christian opinion aside, I'm okay with the status. I know where my faith stands and the intricacies within my own situation but being divorced is different than being single in ways that anyone outside this particular experience can't fully understand. Because of the intimate union of marriage until you are no longer united, you don't realize how much of your own identity had been shared with your mate. My point of view was not from an individual, as I once thought, but was that of mutual beliefs and a connected understanding. I am now left to decide alone. My emotional state was cushioned by a companionship that comforted and calmed. I now have to get back to the practice of rationalizing my own moods and keeping my emotions under control by my own strength. My identity has changed, and quite unexpectedly I've found myself facing the question of "Who am I"?

The verse I have always held next to my life as a guide is Galatians 2:20;
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Call it my 'lifeverse' if you want. It reminds me of the greater power in which I have handed over my identity and it always brings me strength. I think, however, that I'm going to add another one to this new stage of my life as well.

  1 John 2:27 "As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit—just as it has taught you, remain in him.

"Father, I seek your wisdom in not who I am, but in who You want me to be. Thank you for your presence, the Bible as my guide and the knowledge that I have a unique purpose assigned by You and am never left lost and alone." Amen

Tentatively Strong

  Tentatively strong; mustering up strength not because we want it, but because we need it.

I've always been acknowledged as a singularly strong woman among my friends.  It's because they see confidence behind my quick-witted sneer.  I can think on my feet, make my presence known and throw a zinger back at someone before they can feel superior over their insult.  Bam!!  Who doesn't want to do that, right?   But that's not really strength.  It's a superficial defense.  Wit and sarcasm are the trip wires and net traps placed along the forest floor to keep anyone from reaching the castle gate.  What they're really witnessing is a slight -of- hand trick that distracts their eye from my weakness.  And really, how well do our friends even know us at all?  Most of them only get carefully proctored, by ourselves of course, social network glimpses of how are days are progressing.  They know  that I found a great pair of cross-trainers on a charity site.  They know I recently got divorced and since we both address the change in a friendly manner,  all must be well!   They can tell I'm having a down day when I end a sentence wth a sideways frowny face :(   These little glimpses don't reveal much, but enough to keep questions at bay and friends from worrying.  In the cyber- social setting, my strength holds securely.

I'm known for something else though besides my strength (which we've already addressed as not being much more than a false barricade.)  I'm known for my rash decision making.  And I smile as I write this because a select few friends will have specific events in mind when they read it!   In both of these characteristics, strength and well...let's call the other one decisiveness,  the word 'tentative' doesn't really fit. 'Tentative' implies caution and uncertainty, so when I put it alongside 'strength' I'm addressing not just might, but courage as well.  It doesn't take courage to be rash.  It doesn't take much more than nerve and that is not the same as courage!  So courage doesn't really apply to me, and strength doesn't apply either.   At least, they don't apply when I act on my own.  They don't apply when I insist on standing up for myself to defend my ego or when I leap without looking for no better reason than having become bored with a routine.  These characteristics can only be found in me after I've taken the time to seek direction.  I'm only strong and courageous after I've prayed.

And the tentative strength needs courage behind it because it's what we face when we've chosen to be strong and we're frightened.  We're about to do something that we know has to be done, but it's going to hurt.   There will be ramifications we can't predict and consequences that may hurt us further but somewhere down the road things might be better than they are now, if we survive.   I'm not sure this strength is humanly possible.   I don't know if we can find the will, drive, or power necessary to push ahead and face this danger on our own.  I can't.  But I've found this power when I've prayed.   And the prayer doesn't alleviate the suffering or hold back the adversity and hardships that action often invites.    Once again, this is not your regular strength we're talking about.  The prayer gives me something I don't already have.  In prayer, a basic humble cry for help from a human to a greater source of power, anyone can find the strength they need.

I strive to write my posts in an open-ended enough way so they remain translatable to a myriad of situations.  So I'm speaking to you all who are in need of strength, for whatever reason.   No one has to agree with you; when you know you need strength God will have your back.   You don't need anyone else to be on your side; God will give you strength to stand up and walk forward.  You don't need a more important reason than to want to be better, or safer or hopeful.  You don't need more than to know.  I know,  and have been given the strength.

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I've Accepted Your Son (Terms and Conditions)

"I've accepted your son"; not only lyrics to a song that is otherwise a sideline to this post but frankly, at the risk of offending many, many people, an overused statement if I were to be asked point blank.  This phrase has run its course as far as emphasizing sacrifice and holy deliverance in my life.  Emotional manipulation is something I easily recognize and passionately loathe.  So  having been bombarded, guilted and left in tears by charismatic pulpit scoldings and  dramatic stories of , well you know the stories, over too many years of too much unquestioned trust I am left wincing when someone tosses the practiced and shallow aforementioned words in my direction.  And I wish I could say I'm exaggerating as to my reaction but I'm being exactly descriptive of the involuntary movements of my face.  My eyes flicker with a hint of pain that never fails to go unnoticed.  Typically follows my sincere apology to the well-intentioned victim of my calloused heart.  (And please know that I'm sincere in my apology for my looks can be quite wounding.)  My brief explanation of my being a 'survivor of Christianity' coupled with a pathetic and light-hearted grin usually receives either a look of pity and the obvious mental note to pray for me later or a reciprocal grin with the 'I know where you're coming from' line simultaneous with the obvious mental note to pray for me later.

But today, a day in the midst of a whirlwind of recent personal anguish and change, these words struck me differently.  And dammit, they still brought tears to my eyes!  The meaning wasn't revelatory for I'd been aware of it and lived it out myself but still it lent me a more substantial perspective of the intimate relationship I cherish with my humbly compassionate guide.
Terms and Conditions. 

It isn't surprising that these three words popped into my head following the phrase 'I've accepted your...'   We all know them in our sleep, don't we?  I've checked the little box on the screen hundreds of times stating that I've read (whether I actually have or not) the Terms and Conditions before accepting [ fill in need at present time].  It's a legal umbrella and it's surprising to me that I would associate it at all with God who I don't see as legalistic in any way!  I know God to be within the moment and working through our individual lives giving understanding to our specific needs, circumstances and states of heart and mind.  There is nothing legalistic, loop holed or untrustworthy about God.  So when I thought terms and conditions it wasn't referring  to a contract He was holding over me.  He was reassuring me.  And again, it wasn't a reminder that I signed on a line and said some magic words so I was now insured against theft, fire and flood.  He reminded me that He was there and in having accepted His son, surely I already knew that.  And He was right and I cried because again I was reassured that I'm not alone in my pain and fear and days with not enough minutes and paychecks with not enough money.

Every relationship has its terms and conditions.  And simply that's what moved me; the reminder of a relationship I cherish that boasts a depth and intimacy rivaled and revealed only by the symbiosis of a creature within its environment.  Which is why I consider myself a 'survivor'  and not a victim of Christianity.  I don't attend a church and am not currently interested in doing so.  I wield no bumper stickers, necklaces or engraved bible covers that advertise my faith.  I have a relationship that survived.  And as calloused as my heart has become, I can still acknowledge the stripped down version of my faith to be the Christianity I had been searching for.  It's the truth I had been praying to have revealed to me and, some days, it's all I have left to cling to.  And that truth, for good or bad, will probably never fail to bring those tears back.

The present God.

I've had too many 'good' days lately. How can you tell you're on a 'good' streak? Well, I can tell when I wonder why I need a Savior at all. Sometimes I really seem to have it all together. So I ask God. I know He won't be offended. He knows my intentions and well, He's always welcomed my questions. That done, I go about my day knowing I'll hear the answer when it's spoken to me. I put in the ear buds and dance and sing and clean. (It's been a while since I've had the apartment to myself so I'm living it up!) And I wind down and lay by the open window with a stuffed dog on my chest and we shift gears musically. And as the anthems ring in my ears God's voice is heard here and there. Another song begins and a few more realities are brought to light. The tears are beginning to accumulate but I can't sob. I'm too out of practice. Slowly my eyes are opened to what I've been denying. Denying so well in fact that I've confused not only myself but those closest to me. I haven't been having good days at all. My days have consisted of agony, heartbreak, confusion and fear! I've become so accomplished at controlling my emotions, I don't even know which ones I'm supposed to be feeling anymore. And I feel grateful that my God isn't arrogant or sarcastic like I am. And I appreciate His simple and powerful presence because He remains present in my life. And when I need to ask the 'remind me again' questions He answers softly and in a way that I can understand. Always present, right there within my reach, is my God. And He did answer my question in a way that I understood. And as a Christian writer I feel it to be my responsibility to share the answer with you but, as what seems to be a first, the words won't surface. And I reread what I've written and I understand the answer but still, no words to put down. I could try metaphors about describing color to a blind man or parenthood to a child but none of them quite fit for the purpose. I think it's because I simply cannot duplicate the intimate wisdom of His response. It was His answer for Crissy; me. It wasn't the answer to 'why is a Savior needed'. It answered why I needed a Savior. Frankly If I could verbalize what He showed me I'm not sure if would apply to anyone else. And I know that there are Bible verses that answer these questions. I know because my particular foundation for faith has been built upon those teachings. But certainly there are many others who don't have that foundation and even have reason not to trust the Bible at all! Where do they have to turn to ask the risky questions? The present God. He's there for them as He's there for me; ever present. Ever present with huge ears that catch every question and a patient and gentle voice that always gives the personalized answers to each humble and seeking heart. There are so many people reading this with a fallen heart, right now. They mourn for the faith they feel I've lost in Jesus. But I have consoling words for them. Don't fear for me. Although my guide is taking me on a path that you aren't treading, He's still the one leading. I have stepped outside the comfortable routines, but I've listened to Him and have remained obedient. Curious, but obedient. And He is present.

No tie required.

Formality. I bet you think you know where I'm heading with this. You're partially correct.

I'm not a believer in transfiguring myself one day a week to take on a detached Christian role. I also maintain that a church should remain with it's doors opened in welcome to anyone, and it's congregation (of active Christians I assume) should swell with joy when an informal stranger peeks his head in. Sadly, this is not what I've found to be true of most church buildings or of it's congregation members. We dress up and look down. We become different people for a different day to serve a different purpose. I don't believe it began that way, though.
Dressing up was once a sign of respect for the meaning of the Sabbath and an offering of discomfort, if you will, to our God who deserved our best. Christians were Christians all week long in action but they put the time aside to worship formally on their Sabbath day. And from a sincerely grateful heart all of this was good. It was done in love.
Sadly, tradition never maintains it's original intent. Why can't it? Well, a couple of reasons spring to mind. a) Cultural relevance transforms our understanding of the intricate facets that constructed the particular practice. b) Our emotional connection to the practice can only be attached to people we know of as opposed to people we know. The tradition therefore is carried out in the form of unquestionable obedience, which is never, never good. It leads to exclusivism; an opposing idea to Christ's personal earthly ministry. It leads to pride and ego. And the most damaging reason of all.....it leads to the personal comfort of the practitioners. Congratulations to them! They've been successfully mislead. They believe they are acting in faith, because that's how believers used to act in faith. In this misleading, Satan leaves them to cause their own destruction and he moves on to someone who is actually a threat to him. But, wearing your Sunday best isn't even the particular tradition this post is addressing. I'm going to have you look at yourself in what should be your most vulnerable state.

When Moses was on the mountain, when Jonah was being sent forth, when Jesus was teaching: in all of these situations words were being spoken. Words were spoken from God to people and words were spoken by Jesus himself. These words were in a language as all words caught by the human ear need to be. The language that was spoken was the language understood by the audience. If God were to speak to me today He wouldn't speak to me in French. I don't understand French. He would have to use a pretty crude form of English. But that's okay because He would do that to reach me. Just like He would speak to you in your language. If this is a truth that we accept of God's nature, that He is humble, why do we continue to speak, preach and pray as if 'Thee', 'Thou', 'Art', and 'Verily' are God's native tongue? You chuckle but you shouldn't underestimate the power of this misguided assumption. In one foul swoop a pastor can choose to alienate an undesirable stranger in his congregation with these words. In a 'mighty' prayer a small group leader will lift himself over all of the other group members and leave them feeling in awe of him and insecure in their own prayer. Now, the danger in approaching the use of this ancient and outdated verbal embellishment, this carelessly wielded weapon, is that we are now approaching the wall of formality that separates so many of us from having to look God in the eye. And I can tell you from personal experience, people don't like you touching that wall.

And now for the disclaimer; this is not about biblical translations. The King James Version of the Bible, the version most associated for it's 'Old English' format, is beautiful and no lesser the Truth of God because of it's language. But why are you using these foreign words to preach? Why are you using them in personal prayer?
A truth behind this practice brings us back to the wall. This tradition reinforces the exclusive circle of believers that keep their backs to the world and their eyes on themselves. And sadly when they address God in prayer, they believe they are kneeling at his feet when He is standing a mile away waiting for their humble approach. Tradition. It has gotten in the way here but it doesn't have to persist.
Each individual Christian is responsible for their own relationship with God. Each individual needs to approach Him. Each individual needs to acknowledge that they are not good enough to be there. That's okay though because we already have Jesus opening the door for us. We've been invited in and whether or not you speak to God informally or formally you may be misleading yourself in how sincerely you are seeking His guidance.

Now, here's an exercise for you; find a comfortable spot alone, prepare yourself for prayer and recognize your own formality walls for what they are. A common practice Psychologists use to read body language is to interpret the folding of the arms in front of the chest as a defensive position. How many defenses have you put between yourself and God? Do you insist on closing your eyes and folding your hands? Perhaps kneeling? These aren't bad practices but if they have kept you believing for a second that God doesn't see you for who you really are, they are getting in the way of the relationship you could be having with Him. It's not disrespect to approach a God who made a personal sacrifice just so you were able to approach Him in the first place. And, he will use you where you are but He can use you even more if you allow Him to look you in the eyes. He's the one you can trust with the truth of who you are because 1) He already knows it and 2) He's the only one who can do anything about it. So don't waste another minute pretending there are areas of your life that are only yours. When you approach God in prayer don't pretend you're allowing yourself to be vulnerable when you are standing on the other side of your wall to speak to Him. Let Him approach the real and naked soul of who you are. No tie required.